Have you ever experienced anxiety? I have. It is a dreadful condition. Uneasiness does not even come close to describing it. It is terror itself. Is this dreadful feeling understood? Somewhat. Here is my take on it. It’s a kind of rambling reflection on self and contingency. See if it is of any help both if you get anxiety or know someone who has it and think this take on it may be of some help. (I have also included, in an endnote, a “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy” reference on social anxiety that you may also find helpful. )
I’m going to say something that I have yet to hear regarding anxiety. The self is anxiety. From my observation, there is not one hair’s breadth of difference to be found between self and anxiety. Where else and when else is anxiety felt? Looking directly at anxiety, when it is occurring, you may notice this actual identity between self and the feeling. The self feels anxious, yes, but the self is not separate from the feeling. Okay, let’s take a closer look at these seemingly outlandish remarks.
Upon very close observation, you will note that anxiety arises. This is no small matter. Anything that arises in our awareness is contingent. What is meant by contingent? That which is contingent is that which is dependent. Anxiety is dependent on causes and conditions. Let us say that a series of thoughts carrying the notion self in situations arise saying something like “This is not going to work out well,” or “I will look foolish,” or “I am feeling uneasy,” or any other series of thought or mind-narration that places the self in some sort of insecure situation, frightening uneasiness, and the narratives seem to come so fast that the self that appears to be the victim of these feelings aroused by the narratives is anxious. See what was just said, the victim, the self, is anxious. That is, the victim, the self is itself the anxiety. Why? What gave rise to this self that is anxiety? Contingency! When contingency is recognized, i.e., when dependency on causes and conditions is seen so clearly that nothing is certain, anxiety may result. Naturally, this is a self in insecurity, anxious, even fearful of what may happen without knowing what it is that may or can happen. There are simply far too many causes and conditions to settle upon. Contingency is like a raging sea with waves so high and rough that no solidity is possible. We feel so uneasy that we may even die or worse. Anxiety is seeing what is. It is actually a clear insight into what is, the insecurity of a matrix of causes and conditions that is far to complex to count on, to rely upon, to settle the feeling. Anxiety is an awakened mind, a mind that sees clearly what is always the case. The movement of life is far too complex for narrative thinking to comprehend, despite the culture of reason that we have been conditioned to believe that we can and should be able to figure it all out. Actually, more of us should become aware of contingency for the notion that we have life “under control,” we “have it all together,” or even “I’m sure about what will happen,” are narratives in denial of contingency. Each moment of life is contingent but we here, especially in Western culture , have been conditioned to believe that we are the agents of our actions, the self is the supreme doer of all actions, and the self “should” be secure in a reasoned approach to living. This is nonsense. Actions are not done by a self, despite what we have been led to believe. Through anxiety one may find that freedom lies in a sort of abandonment of self, of self-aseity, so that the notion that we should “have it all together,” and be “self-assured” in our feelings and doings is not a governing narrative freeing us to rely more on the contingency, the matrix of living itself, rather than on a fiction. We can and need to let go and realize that we are not ever in control. There is no one to be in control because the very self that we are at any given moment is impermanent and contingent and not solid and real.
Look at all of the problems that have arisen in the last few centuries as a result of peoples’ feelings and acting on this notion that they know what’s best, they are intelligent, they know how we should be, and how things should be for the better. This is the hubris of the self. The self is a foundation of enmity, pride, boastfulness, arrogance, violence, antagonisms, and so many more human problems. Wars begin with self and end with death.
These are simply some reflections on anxiety that may prove somewhat helpful to begin your own research and practice to deal with the nature of anxiety. More of us should realize the wisdom of anxiety.
I’m going to say something that I have yet to hear regarding anxiety. The self is anxiety. From my observation, there is not one hair’s breadth of difference to be found between self and anxiety. Where else and when else is anxiety felt? Looking directly at anxiety, when it is occurring, you may notice this actual identity between self and the feeling. The self feels anxious, yes, but the self is not separate from the feeling. Okay, let’s take a closer look at these seemingly outlandish remarks.
Upon very close observation, you will note that anxiety arises. This is no small matter. Anything that arises in our awareness is contingent. What is meant by contingent? That which is contingent is that which is dependent. Anxiety is dependent on causes and conditions. Let us say that a series of thoughts carrying the notion self in situations arise saying something like “This is not going to work out well,” or “I will look foolish,” or “I am feeling uneasy,” or any other series of thought or mind-narration that places the self in some sort of insecure situation, frightening uneasiness, and the narratives seem to come so fast that the self that appears to be the victim of these feelings aroused by the narratives is anxious. See what was just said, the victim, the self, is anxious. That is, the victim, the self is itself the anxiety. Why? What gave rise to this self that is anxiety? Contingency! When contingency is recognized, i.e., when dependency on causes and conditions is seen so clearly that nothing is certain, anxiety may result. Naturally, this is a self in insecurity, anxious, even fearful of what may happen without knowing what it is that may or can happen. There are simply far too many causes and conditions to settle upon. Contingency is like a raging sea with waves so high and rough that no solidity is possible. We feel so uneasy that we may even die or worse. Anxiety is seeing what is. It is actually a clear insight into what is, the insecurity of a matrix of causes and conditions that is far to complex to count on, to rely upon, to settle the feeling. Anxiety is an awakened mind, a mind that sees clearly what is always the case. The movement of life is far too complex for narrative thinking to comprehend, despite the culture of reason that we have been conditioned to believe that we can and should be able to figure it all out. Actually, more of us should become aware of contingency for the notion that we have life “under control,” we “have it all together,” or even “I’m sure about what will happen,” are narratives in denial of contingency. Each moment of life is contingent but we here, especially in Western culture , have been conditioned to believe that we are the agents of our actions, the self is the supreme doer of all actions, and the self “should” be secure in a reasoned approach to living. This is nonsense. Actions are not done by a self, despite what we have been led to believe. Through anxiety one may find that freedom lies in a sort of abandonment of self, of self-aseity, so that the notion that we should “have it all together,” and be “self-assured” in our feelings and doings is not a governing narrative freeing us to rely more on the contingency, the matrix of living itself, rather than on a fiction. We can and need to let go and realize that we are not ever in control. There is no one to be in control because the very self that we are at any given moment is impermanent and contingent and not solid and real.
Look at all of the problems that have arisen in the last few centuries as a result of peoples’ feelings and acting on this notion that they know what’s best, they are intelligent, they know how we should be, and how things should be for the better. This is the hubris of the self. The self is a foundation of enmity, pride, boastfulness, arrogance, violence, antagonisms, and so many more human problems. Wars begin with self and end with death.
These are simply some reflections on anxiety that may prove somewhat helpful to begin your own research and practice to deal with the nature of anxiety. More of us should realize the wisdom of anxiety.
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